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These Ties That Bind, Chapter 3

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The second time Shepard woke up was drastically different from them first. The lights were muted and he just felt sore, not immediately overwhelmed with pain. He gingerly felt his torso, recalling how the assassin's cursed hand-held cannon had pounded away a hole in his side. The injury was now covered in bandages and medi-gel patches from what he could tell.

"You're still all there," came the steady, throaty voice of his best friend, Garrus. "Chakwas had her work cut out for her though to keep it that way. You took one hell of a beating. I admit, you had us all a little worried there, Commander."

Shepard turned his head to look at the turian. Garrus looked no worse for wear, which was a welcomed relief, but there was a look of deep concern in his eyes. The last time Garrus had looked at him that way was after Virmire, when Ashley had died. Suddenly, the smug look on Kai Leng's face was before him as his ears filled with the remembered scream of Liara in horrible pain. The sound of it had been horrendous, a blood-curling, desperate wail that had immediately cut through to his soul and seared itself into his memory. If he lived an asari lifetime, he was sure he'd never forget that sound. Fear gripped him, a grim correlation began to take root in his mind.

"And Liara...," he choked out as the memory faded. Garrus' mandibles lowered and flared out to the sides. Shepard had come to understand the gesture meant the turian was uncomfortable or troubled, sometimes both. He steeled himself for the news. Garrus gave him some water, taking a moment to consider his response. The delay only increased Shepard's dread. People only considered there words carefully when there was difficult and unpleasant things to say. If Liara was gone....well, the galaxy just didn't feel worth saving any more.

He knew better then to try to bluff the commander or sugar coat the truth. Garrus had just hoped they wouldn't have come to the topic so quickly. Shepard's body had tensed and his jaw was set. He looked like he was waiting for someone to punch him. Garrus thought that might be kinder. "I won't lie to you, Shepard, it's bad. She's barely managed to survive thus far. Whatever that thing was, it did a lot of damage. You'll have to get the details from Chakwas though. I'm sorry, Shepard. I know the doctor is doing everything she can and Liara is a fighter." The encouragement felt hollow and he wasn't sure if he said more for himself or for his friend.

The commander's shoulders sagged as Garrus finished giving him the news. The fact that Liara was still alive had caused a wave of relief to pass over his friend, but I was short lived as the state of her survival sunk in. Shepard's features became despondent as his brow was furrowed and lips pursed. His eyes had grown distant and empty. Garrus shifted uncomfortably in his seat as a weighty silence hung between them.

Shepard finally broke the silence, "Can I see her?". His voice was strained.

"Just look to your right. I moved the tables as close together as I could. I, uh, thought it might help," Garrus informed as he absently scratched at the back of his neck.

"Oh," was all Shepard could manage. He wanted to look but wasn't sure he could bear it given Garrus' report. Any time he had thought about Liara being seriously injured on a mission it had been enough to choke him up. He wasn't one to cry either, even when Ashley died he hadn't shed a single tear. He just got incredibly angry.

Garrus cleared his throat, "I'll see if I can find Dr. Chakwas, I believe she went to the  com room to consult with an asari physician. She'll want to know you are awake though. If you need anything, tell EDI and I'll come." He got up and made to the leave the med bay.

"Garrus," Shepard called, "don't blame yourself. I know you did everything you could."

The turian stopped just before the exit and replied, "If you won't, then I won't". He left before Shepard could reply. Not that he needed one, they'd been friends long enough to know they would both be beating themselves up for a very long time to come.

Shepard was grateful for the space Garrus had afforded him. He took several deep breaths despite the throbbing pain it caused in his chest. Shepard told himself he would stay calm and focused on the positives. Liara had survived. Her injuries would heal in time. He would make Cerberus, Kai Leng in particular, pay dearly for threatening her life. There was time to make things right. Everything was going to be okay. Feeling ready to face what his failure had wrought, the commander rolled his head to left. "Oh God...L-Li-Liara...," he stammered.

Dark, angry bruises accentuated by deep purple tendrils that he surmised were broken blood vessels ringed her closed eyes, giving them a sunken in appearance. A clear plastic mask, which looked similar to the re-breather she sometimes wore during their missions covered most of her face. He assumed the device was helping her breath. Shepard could make out cracked, dry lips underneath the mask. A myriad of yellow-tinged med-gel patches covered right side of her face and neck. He recognized the different colored patches as those used for burn victims. From what little exposed skin there was, he noticed the vibrant, light blue skin tone of the asari he loved had become a subdued grey, indicating significant blood loss. Liara's slender, graceful neck now bore several stitches as well, a sign the doctor was conserving medi-gel for more dire injuries. He thought about the lengthy scar that would forever mark the injury, the blemish a cruel affront to her radiant beauty and a stark reminder of his failure to protect her.

A white blanket covered the rest of Liara's body, hiding the evidence of any further injuries from the Commander's view. He had to know, all of it, what his failure had cost her. Shepard struggled to roll himself to his right side, gasping when his breath caught in the pain that the movement shot through his body. Finally on his side and steadied by his right arm lying flat against the table, he started to reach with his left, but sharp pain lanced through is torso. Shepard grunted and grimaced against a wave of nausea that lurched in his stomach. He closed his eyes to focus, pain could be ignored if the need was  great enough and oh how he needed to know what the blanket obscured.

A strong hand forced him to his back. His eyes shot open to find an angry Dr. Chakwas glaring at him. "Commander, you must lie down and stay still! Your stitches are still healing and could rupture if you stress them too much. Whatever you need Commander, I can get it for you."

"I, ugh, need to see her injuries...all of them," he managed to say as his body berated him for his rash actions.

"Not yet, Commander. I'll tell you anything you wish to know about Liara's condition under one condition," she offered. The doctor kept a firm hands on his shoulders. Despite his pleas, the doctor had no intentions of letting him see the extent of her injuries. She knew how much Shepard cared for his crew, especially Liara, and she feared that full knowledge of her condition would paralyze him with regret, doubt and worry. They couldn't afford that now.

"Blackmail, doctor, really? I suppose you hope to gain my cooperation with your information?" Shepard didn't like being manipulated, whatever the reason may be.

"Commander, I understand you feel responsible for what Liara is going through, but there's a bigger picture here. If you let your feelings get the better of you it will take much longer for you to recover and set things right. I think you know how little time is on our side," the doctor reasoned. The commander always had a strong sense of duty, she would appeal to it.

Shepard frowned, but knew the Chakwas was correct. 'I had to stay rational, make the call'. Liara's words rang in his head, she had faced a similar situation back on Ilium. He would want her to stay focused on the mission. He just wasn't sure the mission was going to be worth it any more. "Tell me doctor, before I order it from you," he threatened.

Chakwas sighed in exasperation. She wanted to fight back but knew it would do her no good. The iron will of Commander Shepard and the fact that he was her superior officer were against her. The doctor decided to acquiesce. Chakwas stared at the window above the commander's head, trying to decide exactly how to deliver her news. She supposed a clinical explanation would be best, perhaps it would be enough.

"The Cerberus device caused extensive neural, tissue and skin damage in her right arm, right side of her torso, neck and head. It appears the signal it sent through her nervous system was strong enough to overload the neurons it encountered, thus destroying them. Normally this would just mean a dead neural connection but since asari have eezo traces throughout their neural network the signal caused their mass to increase until they, um, well, exploded. The same occurred with any eezo nodules the signal also encountered. We are fortunate in that the since she was holding the device there were a limited number of neural pathways for the signal to take, so most of the damage was contained within the somatic system and did not affect the autonomic very much."

"Doctor, look at me," the elderly physician did so reluctantly, "I appreciate understanding how Liara was injured, but I need the bottom line."

Chakwas swallowed, she had hoped the commander would be deterred from knowing any more. She struggled against herself. The doctor in her argued that upsetting a patient recovering from his types of injuries was a bad idea. The solider in her knew that she had to do her part to keep the commander focused on the mission. The friend and fellow human part of her knew if the role was reversed, she'd be doing the exact same thing as the commander.

"I had to remove her right arm at the shoulder," she said suddenly. "When I removed the armor," she stopped, clearly disturbed, "it became apparent that it had been all that was holding her arm together. She nearly bleed out right then and there. I had no choice, I'm so very sorry." Chakwas quickly continued before she lost her resolve to give him at least some of what he was looking for. "I also had to repair damage to several pectoral and abdominal muscles as well as hundreds of blood vessels, they were, shredded, by the amount of neural explosions. I'm consulting with several asari physicians on the best way to repair the neural damage within her body. I cannot fit a functional prosthetic, or if it takes a long enough, a cloned limb, until the other neural damage is healed."  

The doctor held Shepard's gaze, looking for a response to the horrible news she had just delivered and hoping he wouldn't press her for more. The commander's stare was blank and hollow, it made her think of look she saw when someone about to die. Perhaps she had already said to much. "Shepard, it is gruesome and awful what has happened, but she will recover. I will not rest until Liara is healthy again." The commander did not respond to her encouragement but continued his blank stare.

The silence stretched on, Shepard not saying a word as he rolled his head left so he could again gaze upon the asari. The galaxy's hero squeezed his eyes shut and thin lines of moisture streamed away, running down his cheek and nose to drip onto the bed below. Chakwas had never seen her commander cry before, despite all the hardships he had faced, those challenges were always met with fierce resolve. It seemed like nothing could break Shepard's spirit. Apparently there was one thing.

"These things are suppose to happen to me, not you, Liara," Shepard lamented in a shaky voice as the tears continued their stoic march down the commander's features. "I am the tip of the spear, forged to be punished and abused, yet endure. The ills of this galaxy are to fall upon me, not yet." The commander reached out for Liara's hand but it was just out of reach, the unconscious asari unable to notice or assist in his attempt to reach her. He desperately needed to touch her, feel a pulse and some warmth to confirm that she was still alive. If wasn't for the Liara's measured breathing, Shepard would have thought the doctor was lying to her. She looked so pale, lifeless and broken that he couldn't believe she was alive yet alone would ever be whole again.  

Chakwas understood the commander's need and so quickly rearranged the numerous machines and monitors being used in the both their care. Satisfied that nothing could get pinched or become disconnected, the doctor released the table locks and slid their beds together.

Shepard wasted no time closing the gap between them. He tenderly snaked an arm under her neck and curled it around her shoulder as he pulled himself in close, all too aware that the arm he would have previously caressed so gently was absence. The weight of the guilt, remorse and self-doubt he had barely been holding at bay suddenly came crashing down upon him. How could stand up as the galaxy's champion if he couldn't even keep the one he loved safe? She had trusted her life to him without hesitation and this was how he repaid her? He had let the squad become distracted by the Prothean VI and the cost had nearly been Liara's life. Overwhelmed by the emotional turmoil within, Shepard could no longer manage his tears, they came in a flood now as the sobs wracked his body, causing pain to flare in his injured side. The pain felt like justice to him.

"I'm so sorry, Liara. I'm so, so sorry," Shepard wailed. He kept repeating the mantra in some absurd hope that doing so would absolve him of all fault.

Chakwas moved in behind the commander and laid a reassuring hand on Shepard's shoulder in a silent show of support. Having witnessed so many struggle to deal with the bleak realities of trauma, the doctor knew words were meaningless. A simple touch held the profound power to comfort in ways words never could. Feelings and emotions conveyed in a touch were always genuine and could bare no trickery. So she hope her commander understood that not only her, but everyone on the crew, understood his pain and would be doing all they could to recover and make it right.

Shepard's emotional storm spent, he fell into a deep sleep. Chakwas was relieved it had been intense but brief, much longer and she would have sedated him for his own good. She moved away from the commander's bed side to greet the turian, quarian and human who had been silently observing their leader's breakdown. Each of them displayed their deep concern in their own ways, clicking mandibles, fidgeting hands and agitated shifting in place.

Chakwas addressed the group, "I think it best we let Shepard rest for now. Later we can let him know that the tracking signal his drone sent to the Illusive man's projector worked." They all nodded in silent acknowledgment and retreated from the medical bay. Shepard needed some time to recover and regroup. If he didn't, they were all doomed.
Continuation from Chapter 2!

Sorry it took soooo long to update. I actualy have three different versions of this chapter. I was quite conflicted about how to continue. Hopefuly it will be worth the wait!
© 2012 - 2024 stacey1981
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Yes will there be more? Im anxious to see how this will work:)